My Story Behind What I Do And Why
It started when I was 6 or 7.
6 year old..sneak my dad’s modern technology —tape recorder with a mic…and talk and talk pretending to be Walter Cronkite..or Howard Cosele or Carol Burnett.
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As an 8 year old I’d tip over an Apple Cart, climb onto it tipped ever so shaky and…..preach telling the rocks, trees, and a passing brother “you need Jeeeeesus”!
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Now I tip over my Apple phone and use my personal voice to speak….As a mentor in identity: Hence this 100 episode of the Kingdom Mentor Academy.
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So the back story…..
I loved sports….and microphones.
This could be labeled a story of a “performance-aholic” who became lost as an orphan looking to please everyone she’s meet.
Performance based acceptance was huge in my life. From early years, my insecurity drove me to performance to please whether in a job, in a career or in a relationship.
I will note I had a great dad….He may not have shown a lot of outward affection (hugs and kisses like I was his little girl) but I KNEW he loved me.
But, I loved to perform well to GET A REACTION OUT OF HIM.
As a 12 year old…OBSESSED WITH SPORTS.
I remember well that state basketball free throw contest I had entered and had made it to the state championship round.
The gym was full of energy, sweaty bodies, and nerves as over 100 kids were spread out over the gym.
Because I had a basketball game close to the time of this contest, the officials allowed me to shoot all 25 at once instead of 10 and then go to the back of the line.
Before the tournament as my nerves—butterflies—were flying out of formation, my dad suggested I say a short prayer or line to a prayer before each shot.
It became my turn. I took my dry mouth and wobbly knees to the free throw line. I remember looking up to see my dad and I could instantly see that he was nervous for me.
The official threw me the basketball for the first shot. I embraced the basketball for a second, feeling it’s familiarity in my hands with it’s worn out smooth leather. I looked up at the basket some 19 ft before me still as nervous as can be.Then I remembered.
Being the good Catholic girl I said a quick line: “Hail Mary full of grace the Lord is with thee”..and took my shot.
Swish was the sound as it went through the net right on target.
I did that again. “Hail Mary full of grace the Lord is with thee”.
Swish.
“Hail Mary Full of grace..”…Swish.
At about 10 shots completed with no misses, I looked up into the grandstands and saw my dad. He was so excited he had fell out of his seat.
Pleased I shot again…and again…and again.
I ended up making 21 out of 25 and later found out no one came close to that as I won the event.
Ding ding ding. My little heart had found something to please my mom and dad and it had the foul and sweaty smell of performance all over it.
From basketball I began a sport’s love affair with the game of golf.Just to cut to the short of this…I became a very good young golfer.
Two time junior state winner…Regional winner…and in my youth traveling the country as a junior golfer.
I made it to college on a full ride…
I loved the Lord and had developed a close relationship with God….
And… I thought I could use this as a platform for my voice to share….I believed that right as I went into professional sports.
Even as I roamed the country as a professional golfer on the mini-tours, I’d make these tapes for my friends of Christian music with in-between the songs talking like I was a DJ. I called it the KYSS Tape Series…Know Your Someone Special…
A mic. A Sport I loved. Looking for that platform.
After three years as a pro…I eventually mentally and emotionally crashed.
To be anonymous…I stayed in Atlanta…I felt like a failure and did not want to return to my hometown and be known as the girl who never made it.
Shame will keep you hundreds of miles away from your home and will keep you locked in looking for approval from others to avoid rejection. (Frost, Jack. Spiritual Slavery to Spiritual Sonship Destiny Image)
It was in that place, far away from the applause of people, that I stayed in Atlanta to be anonymous.That did not last long.
By God’s grace I landed an announcer job at a Christian FM station…. getting paid to talk, pray , play music and producing spots. On the road as a traveling professional golfer, I used to make music mixes on cassette tapes while being the “DJ” talking in between the Christian music with encouraging words. I called it the KYSS series…Know You’re Someone Special—and would hand it out to my fellow Christian music loving golf friends.
So for 15 and half years I was blessed to talk for a living with praying online, news, traffic and yes…talking between songs
After more than 15 years on air and now married to a very successful husband with with two children, I retired. Dave’s business was booming …
It was in this place of feeling anonymous again. I will say this began an even more intense time in the Word with praying, writing, and studying. I loved God and that love was growing and growing.
But the interior of my soul was still ravaged and left unattended. I read the words “inheritance”; knew the story of the prodigal son; and loved Dave reciting by memory Romans 8; but I was so far from really understanding the true meaning of this Chapter.
I stayed home with the kids and became lost in a myriad of emotions looking to find my voice…or my purpose.
Immaturity makes you always feel you have to be doing something productive—making money—-to feel like you have a purpose or meaning.
Immaturity does not know the meaning of rest and abide…coming from a place of trusting the process in God’s Hand.
(Frost, Jack. Spiritual Slavery to Spiritual Sonship Destiny Image)
What did I have in my house I mused after reading 2 Kings 4?
I had a computer! And after one year of failure in a home business making cold calls, I went to studying marketing online. (Back before Facebook was a hit or even YouTube)!
I loved it. My desire was to not just make money and help my family. My deep down longing was to make enough to retire my then very busy husband who physically worked so hard in drywall and then in building custom homes.
He worked long hours six to seven days a week managing crews, working himself with his tools, and constantly bidding jobs.
So I went into performance mode.
This include long hours in a journey of studying all kinds of marketing…from email to video to creating a blog writing. I spun out many times chasing a dream of being able to help ministries spread their message online while also helping my family with finances.
After a few years still training I landed a major job as a social media director of what I’d call an ideal client.I soon found out that all I had learned and studied worked!!! I was getting massive movement on spreading their brand with amazing results for this client. I soon became a FB ads ninja, a witty creator of products, an e-mail marketing genius as their number shot up all across the social media modules.
Seeing the numbers of likes go up on their page made me so proud. I was wrapped up in me and my performance for this company.
But half way in working for them, my husband quietly said to me “Theresa…you have lost YOUR voice.”
THAT irritated me not knowing what he meant. I thought he’d be so proud of me helping the family at this time of our lives.
In my pursuit of working to please my client, I left behind all of my own writing, speaking, and listening to the Vinedresser words and my speaking on videos. And even though I was helping my family as that time in our lives as Dave was recovering from a wreck that almost killed him, my orphan issues were being nourished by all the performance.
So, I got lost in my identity basing it on the fact I was this company’s social media director.
That became my identity. And it made me feel great to tell others I was this client’s social media director. (I think it made Dave sick because he saw the web of performance tying ever so tightly.)
Immaturity is a slave to self, seeking to meet personal needs at others’ expense. (Frost, Jack. Spiritual Slavery to Spiritual Sonship Destiny Image)
The Wall
I hit a real wall when after almost three years working for this client, they dropped me as their social media director.
It was in this low dark place that I realized just how my identity was really messed up.
Just like when I failed to get my professional golf card, I took on the battle of shame and the crush of losing a position.
As I was a walking wreck inside, God started to talk to me in the Words of the Vinedresser in John 15 like He had years before I took on this client. I went back to writing (blogging) and shooting videos as I began trying to find my voice… again.
Dave saw my internal struggle. He was so encouraging and always trying to push me forward to what he knew I was called to do. I’d shoot down his words with..I can’t do that?” “Are you serious?”
Then he’d tell me to find a place of rest. That seemed like he was speaking a foreign language to me. I often reacted with saying..
“Rest? You’ve GOT to be kidding. I have this new system to work on.”.
But it was from this place of rest…of really “Listening to The Vinedresser”…that soul health started to come about and a realization of my true Identity.
I was a much loved daughter of the King.
It’s not what I do that defines me but who I am…
I still had to walk through an identity restoration…..To really find my voice amidst the mess of my inner world.
The crush brought me face to face with a loving Father. I started to embrace and receive His love from an abiding place. This started a process of understanding my inheritance in Him.
I continued to write as I heard Him speak to me in the Words of the Vinedresser.
So with help from Holy Spirit I went on a repair and restore process.
As I studied and even went through two years of Bethel Atlanta’s School of the Supernatural…My voice started to return as I understood who I was in Christ.
From there…after a few years ….I again heard the voice of my husband…and this time listened..and acted..
You need to start teaching this Theresa…
So…I’ve continued speaking online and eventually set up a membership courses with the Kingdom Mentor Academy. And just last year we added in conjunction with the Academy, the Redeem Your Voice Camp.
In the Voice Camp I help you find your voice through repairing of relationships, restoring trauma, shame and rejection so you can walk in clarity in your purpose from your true identity in Christ. With that as your foundation, I also teach how to share and market your voice.
I’m a marketing Strategist who helps women grow their brand with the CARE strategy: CONTENT creation in AUTHENTICITY, with RELATIONSHIPS serving in EXCELLENCE.
So now…often you will find me not on an Apple Cart but on an Apple phone shooting a video or making a post…about you, your identity, what the Vinedresser says. and how you can find your voice, share your voice, and market your voice.
I feel like saying like Paul Harvey…now you know the rest of the story…
