I’m learning that out of our most bleak times in our life…That is can be a set up for our destiny.
You may have heard me say before…Through your agony comes your destiny as it’s grounded in your identity.
Let me share this as I actually talked about it in Dave’s Memorial….at the end of a video I produced honoring him with the song I Am His beloved…a video you can see at ikingsmedia.com/davememorial
I don’t listen to classical music but for some reason this piece by Fredrico Chopin crossed my Spotify list.
Chopin wrote this amazing classical music piece called Fantasia Impromptu…
I learned that this piece is very difficult to perform..to play
Many pianist struggle to master this let alone play it so it sounds the way it’s supposed to.
Why?
Because many of the keys on the piano to get this to song to sound beautiful are black keys. But when mastered it’s so beautiful!
As I thought about my husband….
Dave’s life was like this. Lots of black moments of childhood trauma, many near miss instances of death, more trauma with our house being set on fire….the list could go on leading up to the excruciating pain of 3rd degree burns from a barrel fire last October 2021 leading to the excruciating anguish of heart and soul from an ever aggressive pancreatic cancer that was out of control……
But Dave did what only Dave could do through the travail of the black keys on the piano of his life.
He trusted God. He clung mightily in his faith and he loved God with all his heart!
His life became a song….and now it plays on in my heart, the heart of our children and the heart of others.
As I go through the wrecking of my heart missing him, i have a question for you:
Do you have some black keys in your life…
What a God we have that He can comfort, equip and lead us by the Holy Spirit where we can be a song back to Him.
Often it’s the black keys that ultimately make our life a song that brings purpose. You can be a voice of comfort and hope for other people…
But one warning God has repeatedly spoken to my heart.
If the black keys of your life are not dealt with it can or mess with your identity you are in danger of losing your voice.
Losing your identity…
I remember in the struggle with caring for Dave’s burns I realized in the first two weeks I was losing my voice, my identity, through his shrieks of pain as I tried to dress his wounds.
I checked myself and went back to the design of knowing my identity is from the powerful force of God’s Word, the internal place where my spirit connects to Him.
I had to work out a testimony with the Father, Son and Holy Spirit
knowing any black key moments like this can be a direct attack on my voice.
I was in training…and you may be also …learning to go even deeper listening to the Holy Spirit to come out of the fire devastating moments of your life, with more attributes of being His Voice Warrior.
For me later on in dealing not just with Dave’s cancer but the painful process of watching him wither away ….with the ravages of his body ….Until he passed one Pentecost Sunday, his dad’s birthday…June 5th 2022.
That trauma is something I will continue to deal with and invite a few inner circle friends into my life as a safe place.
This is my intentionality to keep speaking even tho I feel smothered in pain and grief.
I say this quote in a book by Elisabeth Elliot that goes so well with the “black keys” thought.
In Elisabeth Elliot’s book:It was a poem written by Grant Colfax Tuller.
“My life is but a weaving between my Lord and me; I do not choose the colors, He worketh steadily. Oft times He weaveth sorrow and I, in foolish pride, forget He sees the upper, and I the under side.
Not till the loom is silent and the shuttles cease to fly, shall God unroll the canvas and explain the reason why.
The dark threads are as needful in the Weaver’s skillful hand, as the threads of gold and silver in the pattern He has planned.”
And this from the passion translation James 1:2-4
“My fellow believers, when it seems as though you are facing nothing but difficulties, see it as an invaluable opportunity to experience the greatest joy that you can! For you know that when your faith is tested it stirs up in you the power of endurance. And then as your endurance grows even stronger, it will release perfection into every part of your being until there is nothing missing and nothing lacking.”
James (Jacob) 1:2-4 TPT
All this goes well with a Vinedresser word I wrote not knowing that in just 5 days dave would leave earth and go home to Jesus.
I think it will be something you can listen and hang your hope hat on…
Just for you…Listen to the Vinedresser…
May 31
LISTEN TO THE VINEDRESSER
I see the questions and the troubling times that want to crack your heart into pieces. I understand your sorrow and your feeling of lost tomorrows.
I know how you wonder how to get through another day raging with the trauma and pain….The sleepless nights watching the struggle and angst of your dearest friend.
I hear your heart when you question if the deep well of Me seems to be running dry. And how the Hand of God seems to be waving good bye. Then in your lowest moments you wrestle with the loud shrieks of your heart’s cry making you want to stay in a pit and hide.
Write this down dear child.
HOLD ON.
I won’t leave you always in the shadow of death. You will not always feel you are caught in the hall of the now and not yet. Your contentions and questions are not myths that have no answers.
HOLD ON
Hold on to your faith. Hold on to My Word written in red. Hold on to quiet moments over coffee or bread. Hold on to hope. Hold on to what is good. Hold on to the shield of faith. Hold on the shalom of Me…”Nothing missing. Nothing lost.”
Hold on to My Son who is your wonderful counselor, prince of peace, mighty God. Hold on to My wisdom that comes in My presence. Hold on to your song as you worships through out your day and night.
Most of all….let me hold you dear beloved. I am your fortress, One who you can confide. I am your God on whom you can rely. I am your safe place.
I am the One who hears your heart sighs. I am the One who will never wave good bye.
So My beloved, say no to striving and yes to abiding…in the Vine.
Love the Vinedresser.
Thank you for giving me this space to share with you. As you listen and read. Simply know you play a part in my healing.
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So…until next time…say no to striving and yes to abiding.
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